Why I Hate Dora

      From the moment I met her, I knew we weren't gonna be friends. Her weird butt-cut hairstyle, her alarmingly big head and her distasteful choice in clothes. The way she talks to everyone around her and keeps repeating herself. Her horrible Spanglish. I am talking about "Dora" the self-proclaimed "explorer".


I have several issues with this show.




Swiper


What's a masked fox doing in a jungle, anyway? And why is he always taking stuff that isn't his? He would be a nice set of ear muffs. It's not like he wasn't warned. How many times does she have to say it...SWIPER NO SWIPING! Damn!




I'm a Map, I'm a Map, I'm a Map, I'm a Map I'm a MAP!


Why is the map an annoying old guy? I've known plenty annoying old guys and believe me, they get you nowhere. Dora needs a ghetto chop-shop GPS system. It could freestyle all of her directions. Big improvement, right?




Bridge, Rainforest, Stony Mountain!


Every damn pot of gold or Abuela's house or pinata filled with choco-lott-ay cannot be found by going over the bridge, through the rainforest and underneath stony mountain. Every time the same directions. Go OVER THE BRIDGE,  THROUGH THE RAINFOREST, and UNDERNEATH STONY MOUNTAIN! You know what's gonna be there next time? Me, with a big knife.